Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs



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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

protective.wav(257K) protective.mp3(257K) protective.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonathan Steinbloom (Bob Balaban): "She was very protective. You could say she was overly protective. I just like to think she cared about me. Which she did, a lot. And I was a member of the chess team. And whenever we would have chess tournaments, I had to wear a protective helmet. I had to wear a football helmet. Now, who knows what she was thinking? Maybe she thought that we might have fallen maybe and impaled our heads on a pointy bishop or something, I don't know."

signedus.wav(548K) signedus.mp3(548K) signedus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mark Shubb (Harry Shearer): "And Mr. Irving Steinbloom came down and he signed us to Folk Town which was, uh, the label to be on."
Jerry Palter (Michael McKean): "Terrific label."
Alan Barrows (Christopher Guest): "Later on we were kind of moved down the food chain a bit to the Folk Tone label, which was a subsidiary."
Jerry: "It was a decent label, they just didn't have the distribution."
Alan: "Well, they just didn't have... Well, they didn't have any distribution."
Jerry: "No distribution at all."
Mark: "And the covers were printed in two colors instead of four, which I noticed was a problem."
Alan: "Yeah. And they had no hole in the center of the record. So a lot of..."
Jerry: "No, you had to provide it yourself."
Alan: "...the people complained that you'd get this vinyl, of course in those days, and it's up to you to center it and make the actual..."
Mark: "It would teeter crazily on the little spindle."
Alan: "... the hole. And that was, of course, we had no control over that aspect of it, but, uh..."
Jerry: "But they were still good records. They were good product."
Mark: "If you punched a hole in them, you'd have a good time."
Jerry: "Yeah."
Alan: "Um-hmm."

neuftet.wav(351K) neuftet.mp3(351K) neuftet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

George Menschell (Paul Dooley): "One night in 1960, I'll never forget this, uh, we were ar a hootenanny and we were jamming with the Klapper Family. And all of the sudden, I heard it. The sound that I'd been thinking about. It was just... The harmonics were amazing. I thought, well, there's five of us, there's four of them. It's a neuf-tet. And it was there, just in a moment, it was all there. The neuf-tet sound. Well, this thing clicked with the Klappers too, so we joined forces and we became The Mainstreet Singers."

benwa.wav(211K) benwa.mp3(211K) benwa.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David Kantor (Jim Ortlieb): "In 1971, after the breakup of The Main Street Singers, Chuck Wiseman moved up to San Francisco where he started a retail business with his brothers Howard and Dell. The Three Wiseman's Sex Emporium. It was very successful for a year until they were sued over something having to do with a box of benwa balls."

idliketo.wav(202K) idliketo.mp3(202K) idliketo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mickey Crabbe (Catherine O'Hara): "I'd... I'd like to think that... that Mitch would agree to do this with me. Because I already said yes. And I can't do it alone, so... No, I didn't... I didn't think this through. Should've talked to him beforehand, you know, but I haven't talked to him in so long."

musical.wav(62K) musical.mp3(62K) musical.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Terry Bohner (John Michael Higgins): "There had been abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature."

wouldntdo.wav(451K) wouldntdo.mp3(451K) wouldntdo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laurie Bohner (Jane Lynch): "I don't believe that anyone noticed when I blew town at 15 aand ended up in San Francisco, California. And it's at this point in my story that the dark clouds part. Because I met a certain Mr. Wiseman, who gave me a job in his shop. And before long, he tapped me to do some small roles in some of his short films for more mature audiences. And before long, I had landed, if you will, some leads. And then I started to do some, uh, cameos. Um, well, I was known for, uh, doing a certain thing that many of the other girls wouldn't do."

tinytim.wav(49K) tinytim.mp3(49K) tinytim.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laurie: "I learned to play the ukulele in one of my last films, uh, Not so tiny Tim."

hesin.wav(219K) hesin.mp3(219K) hesin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonathan Steinbloom: "He's in. He's in. Mitch is in."
Steinbloom's Secretary (LeShay N. Tomlinson): "Really?"
Jonathan Steinbloom: "I'm... It's unbelievable."
Steinbloom's Secretary: "Congratulations! That's fantastic."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Thank you. Thank you."
Steinbloom's Secretary: "Right, and he actually said that he... he would be a part of this?"
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Yes, uh, yes."
Steinbloom's Secretary: "And he said it just now on the phone?"
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Uh, yeah, I think he did."
Steinbloom's Secretary: "Did he s... In writing? I'm sor... It's jus... I'm just looking out for you"
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Let's lot rain on the parade, okay? He's in."

spiraled.wav(261K) spiraled.mp3(261K) spiraled.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

David Kantor: "In 1974, after the breakup, Mitch was extremely angry. His first solo album, a Cry for Help, contained numbers like "If I Had A Gun" "Anyone But You", "May She Rot in Hell". And this just spiraled down to the next album, Calling It Quits."

anger.wav(315K) anger.mp3(315K) anger.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. Mildred Wickes (Mina Kolb): "There was a lot of anger in Mitch, uh, for reasons, you know, that he had. I think he went too soon. He should have stayed longer, because we really didn't get a grip on him. And, uh, his anger was unhealthy... for all of us."

thename.wav(177K) thename.mp3(177K) thename.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Leonard Crabbe (Jim Piddock): "Welcome to the house of Crabbe."
Mitch: "Thank you very much. I just checked into the hotel. Left my things there."
Mickey: "Good."
Leonard: "Which hotel was that, then?"
Mitch: "I don,t know the name. I can't remember the name, but it's very nice."

trains.wav(265K) trains.mp3(265K) trains.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mickey: "Are you hungry?"
Mitch: "Yes."
Mickey: "Good. Lunch is not quite ready. Maybe you'd like to take Mitch to see your trains?"
Leonard: "Oh, yes. Do you like trains?"
Mitch: "I took a bus."
Leonard: "Oh, no, no, no. Model trains. Do you like model trains?"
Mitch: "Sure."
Leonard: "Good. It's a bit of a passion for me. I'll show you around. It's right down here."
Mitch: "It was a 16-hour trip."
Leonard: "This will be quicker than that."

crabbeville.wav(521K) crabbeville.mp3(521K) crabbeville.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Leonard: "This whole area here is called Crabbe Town. We've got a brohel dawn there above the saloon. And right down there, further along, I'm thinking of building a French Quarter. I've actually got a bit of French blood. Um..."
Mitch: "I would love to see this town in the autumn. I think Crabbeville in autumn would look quite magnificent. I would have made tiny little leaves... oak, poplar, maple, chestnut... and spread them across the town of Crabbe...ville. Magnificent."
Leonard: "It's Crabbe Town, not Crabbeville."

forwork.wav(605K) forwork.mp3(605K) forwork.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mitch: "What is it you do, Leonard? For work?"
Leonard: "Oh, work. Oh, um, I'm in the bladder management industry. I sell catheters. I have my own distrobution company. Sure-Flo Medical Appliances. May have heard of it. It's actually named in tribute after my mother. He name was Florence. It's a groth... groth industry, really, because one in three people over 60 either have a flaccid or a spastic bladder, so, in a sense, every 13.5 seconds, a new incontinent is born, as it were. People like you and I have what they call "leakage problems". They can be running, playing tennis, laughing, sneezing, anything. I mean, the good old constipation, you know? You have impacted fecal mass in your rectum. You find that pushing on your bladder."
Mickey: "You know, this might make good, uh..."
Leonard: "You could have all sorts of problems."
Mickey: "...might make good dessert talk."

retro.wav(496K) retro.mp3(496K) retro.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mark: "Sorry, I just got a mental piture in my mind of... of us on stage in the show. And, it's just, we weren't wearing the old stuff, the old gear, the old..."
Jerry: "We're talking about the dickeys here?"
Mark: "...haberdashery. Well, the whole look."
Jerry: "I think I'm on record as Mr. Anti-Dickey."
Mark: "You were Mr. Drop-the-dickey."
Jerry: "Drop-the-dickeys. I'll... I'll still say it."
Mark: "It's just a very retro look. I mean retro, retro..."
Alan: "I'm...I'm...I'm totally available for the discussion of it. It's just, it sounds like you're thinking the image that we had was a retro image of something that wasn't retro because we didn't... we weren't retro. Because we were then."
Jerry: "Right, it wasn't retro then, but now, to try a retro thing, it might just look king of sad. I mean."
Mark: "To do then now would be retro. To do then then was very now-tro...."
Jerry: "Yeah."
Mark: "...if you will."

fordad.wav(282K) fordad.mp3(282K) fordad.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Elliott Steinbloom (Don Lake): "Look, I'm looking at numbers here guys. I know we're getting emotional with things and I know we want to give this to be a great thing for you know who, but I'm looking at the numbers and think..."
Naomi Steinbloom (Deborah Theaker): "For Dad. Can't you say it? For Dad."
Elliott Steinbloom: "Look, I..."
Naomi Steinbloom: "You can't say his name, can you?"
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Naomi. Guys, guys."
Elliott Steinbloom: "You're not the only one that's thinking about Dad, right now. You're not the only person going through this little..."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "You don't have to take everything personally. It's not you. It's her. Forgive me. I'm sorry. Forgive me. Never mind."

gettogether.wav(129K) gettogether.mp3(129K) gettogether.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Elliott Steinbloom: "Because we don't... we never get together."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Not really."
Elliott and Naomi Steinbloom: "No."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Not really. We talk. A lot."
Naomi Steinbloom: "Oh yeah, on the phone."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "We talk a lot."
Naomi Steinbloom: "We talk on the phone a lot."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "But we don't really see each other."
Naomi Steinbloom: "No. We don't need to."

northdakota.wav(110K) northdakota.mp3(110K) northdakota.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Elliott Steinbloom: "I mean, I moved away to North Dakota. I tried to get as far away as I could to actually get the singing out of my head. I didn't care for folk music and Dad knew that. I just, I didn't get it. Um."

goinhome.wav(290K) goinhome.mp3(290K) goinhome.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mitch: "Going home I'm going... Go... Going Go. Going home I'm going home. Home..."

whahappened.wav(18K) whahappened.mp3(18K) whahappened.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine (Fred Willard): "Hey, wha' happened?"

acult.wav(329K) acult.mp3(329K) acult.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine: "And as you know, back in 1970... I starred on a series called, Wha' Happened. Ande everytime something would go wrong, I'd look at the camera and say: "Hey, wha' happened?". We had a lot of fun with that and a lot of other catch phrases: "I got a real red wagon!", and uh, "I can't do my work!", And I believe I was the first one to use the phrase, "I don't think so!". But it only lasted a year. And that's good because that's how you establish a cult."

thatjoke.wav(190K) thatjoke.mp3(190K) thatjoke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine: "Now, I was never into folk music. I'd worked some bills with some folkies. You know: Put him in a cell with a long hose on him, Put him in a cell with a long hose on him. And I used to say, "If he's got a long enough hose, he's gonna have a lot of friends in the shower room!" Uh, folk audiences hated that joke."

dysentery.wav(104K) dysentery.mp3(104K) dysentery.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine: "You do not want to be on a ship when dysentery breaks out and be knocking on the men's room door, "Will you be coming out soon?" and hear "I don't think so!"."

mitzvah.wav(241K) mitzvah.mp3(241K) mitzvah.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lars Olfen (Ed Begley Jr.): "The naches that I'm feeling right now... 'cause your dad was like mishpoche to me. When I heard I got these ticket to the Folksmen, I let out a geshreeyeh, and I'm running with my friend... running around like a vilde chaye, right into the theater, in the front row! So we've got the schpilkes, 'cause we're sittin' right there... and it's a mizvah, what your dad did, and I want to try to give that back to you. Okeinhoreh, I say, and God bless him."

confusing.wav(345K) confusing.mp3(345K) confusing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jerry: "It's really just confusing. I'm hearing you the same timbre, and it's just cluttered."
Alan: "Maybe if I did it higher and he did it lower..."
Jerry: "No, I..."
Mark: "The silver..."
Jerry: "Actually, if you kinda do what you did before and kinda fade..."
Alan: "La spectacular. I can't get that much higher."
Jerry: "...fade... fade off a little bit."
Alan: "But that's... Now it sounds almost like a... like a... you know, like a ventriloquist."
Jerry: "Can I make the radical suggestion that maybe this is not... this is not the best number to start with? This is a live television show. We don't want people to reach for their remotes here. I think this is very..."
Mark: "Well, it's public television. I don't think they're..."
Jerry: "It's a very..."
Alan: "They don't have remotes."
Mark: "Yeah."
Jerry: "...logie pace."

comeout.wav(406K) comeout.mp3(406K) comeout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonathan Steinbloom: "Oh my god, that's terrible. That's abso... What do... What do you mean, he won't come out of the room? Yeah, well, Mickey, have you talked to him? Has he talked to a doctor? Are you giving him medication? I mean, I know he's anxious. I'm anxious. I'm always anxious. I come out. You know, I mean, we gotta do something. You want me to... You mean, I'm supposed to talk to him? I mean, I like him. I don't have that much to say to him. I could... I could be empathetic. I'm not sure what... what else I could do. I cou... I could sit, I could try. I mean, anything, we have to do something. I'll... I'll see him. I'll talk to him. You know. I'm happy to. I gotta get him out of there. I mean, he... You know, I mean he... We can't... We're not broadcasting from a... a Motel room. We gotta. you know, we gotta get him out of there."

myownmind.wav(219K) myownmind.mp3(219K) myownmind.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laurie Bohner: "Terry and I worship an unconventional diety. The power of another dimension. Now, you're not going to read about this dimension in a book, or in a magazine, or in a newspaper, uh, because it doesn't exist anywhere except in my own mind."

winc.wav(90K) winc.mp3(90K) winc.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laurie Bohner: "We are Winc. W-I-N-C. Witches In Nature's Colors. Winc."

witch.wav(124K) witch.mp3(124K) witch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Terry Bohner: "Now, I know the word "witch" may be a problem for some of you. The word has a lot of silly connotations. And no ladies and gentlemen, we do not ride around on broomsticks and wear pointy hat... Well, we don't ride on broomsticks."

vibration.wav(286K) vibration.mp3(286K) vibration.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Terry Bohner: "This is not an occult science. This is not one of those crazy, uh systems of divination and astrology. That's stuff's hooey and you gotta have a screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Our s... Our, our, our beliefs are fairly commonplace and simple to understand. Humankind is simply materialized color opperating on the 49th vibration. You would, uh. make that conclusion walking down the street or going to the store."

deception.wav(96K) deception.mp3(96K) deception.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mitch: "There's a deception here. The audience... they're expecting to see a man who no longer exists."

locoman.wav(348K) locoman.mp3(348K) locoman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

The Folksmen: "(A short clip of "Loco Man" Written by Christopher Guest Performed by The Folksmen)"

athought.wav(363K) athought.mp3(363K) athought.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine: "I don't know if you're familiar with a book about a pirate captain, his name is Moby Dick? He was chasing some big whale. And he had a catch phrase he'd always yell out, "There she blows!" So I thought, If you could do that, we'd have someone off-stage drench the whole group with water. And you could look at the camera and say, "Hey, wha' happened?". And every time, another thing of water... And by then you're all soaked, even the ladies... (He whispers something into Terry's ear.) And at the end of the song you turn the guitars and all upside down and water splashes out. Kerplunk! It's just a thought."

carnival.wav(131K) carnival.mp3(131K) carnival.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence E. Turpin (Michael Hitchcock): "We're very pleased to be having the folk people here tomorrow night. It's not something we usually do. This is, obviously, more of a classical venue. But it... it'll be a lot of fun. It's like having a carnival come to town, or something."

liaison.wav(163K) liaison.mp3(163K) liaison.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence E. Turpin: "I'm the events liaison. Although, a lot of people around here call me "King Larry" or "Your Majesty" because I just do everything that needs to be done around here. I've been up into the highest catwalk changing light bulbs. I've been in the basement changing the rat traps."

asinger.wav(420K) asinger.mp3(420K) asinger.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence E. Turpin: "I'm also a singer. I... I'm not a professional, but I do like to sing in church and, you know, places like juvinile halls. But this... This is the best place to sing in New York and quite possibly the world. The accoustics are just perfect. (He starts to sing "Ave Maria")"

metoo.wav(69K) metoo.mp3(69K) metoo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Wally Fenton (Larry Miller): "And frankly, it's gonna be something of a challenge for me, personally anyway, because I'm not a fan of folk music."
Amber Cole (Jennifer Coolidge): "Yeah, me too!"

onebrain.wav(208K) onebrain.mp3(208K) onebrain.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Amber Cole: "You know, we work together very well. It's almost as like we have one brain that we share between us."
Wally Fenton: "Um-hmm."
Amber Cole: "It's like I'll have an idea, it will just be a teeny, tiny little spark and then it will get to Wally and he'll make it a fire."

bigstuff.wav(132K) bigstuff.mp3(132K) bigstuff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Amber Cole: "I don't know about you, but I'm predicting a lot of exciting amazing things that happen to the groups."
Wally Fenton: "Some awards..."
Amber Cole: "Like big, like, not just big, but big-time stuff."

knockknock.wav(61K) knockknock.mp3(61K) knockknock.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine: "To paraphrase an old joke... Knock, knock. Who's there? It's the New Main Street Singers!"

19686766.wav(137K) 19686766.mp3(137K) 19686766.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mitch: "Seeing these long lines of fans who want notting more than to have you sign an autograph... it's like it's 1968... or '67, or '66."

bigones.wav(83K) bigones.mp3(83K) bigones.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Amber Cole: "Thank God for the model trains."
Leonard: "Oh absolutely."
Amber Cole: "You know? If they didn't have the model trains, they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains."

microphones.wav(222K) microphones.mp3(222K) microphones.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonathan Steinbloom: "Those are, um, microphones?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Microphone stands."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Cause they don't have tops on them."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Pardon?"
Jonathan Steinbloom: "They don't have tops on them."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Oh, they'll have tops when we're done, don't worry about it.. We do this every day."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Mike heads. What would you call them a "mike head", or would it be the "mike"?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "It's just called a microphone, and you will get them. Don't worry about it. You don't need to write that down."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Cause we.... we really want them."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "You'll have them."

cobra.wav(147K) cobra.mp3(147K) cobra.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mitch: "Uh, you know, 35 years ago, preparing for a concert meant playing "find the cobra" with a hotel chambermaid. But tonight, I, I, I fool good. I feel excited."

sailfish.wav(290K) sailfish.mp3(290K) sailfish.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mitch: "I feel ready for whatever the experience is that we will take with us after the show. I'm sure it will be an adventure... a voyage on this magnificent vessel... into unchartered waters. What if we see sailfish jumping... and flying across the magnificent orb of a setting sun?"

anissue.wav(508K) anissue.mp3(508K) anissue.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonathan Steinbloom: "It says opening night. It says, "I love folk music but I'm not afraid of classical.". It's very beautiful. I'm a little afraid of these pokey things that are sticking out."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Those are apple blossoms."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "The apple blossoms, is that what they're called?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Yes."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "These apple blossoms are right at eye height. And I'm so afraid that somebody could come over to sniff, to admire, and just get an eye poked out. I'd love to clip it off. If we could get a kind of a shape to these things, that's my basic creative issues. And I have a health and safety issue. Those viny things down there. They're a disaster. They're too low, they're too tangly. They're just, like, waiting for an elderly person to wheel by, or somebody in a walker, or with a brace on their leg, or something. You know, a lot... a lot of my family is... is beyond old, and..."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Well, you know, I've got a great idea. Why don't we just get some carnations and a beer stein and just put them right up here."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "I don't see how that would work."

acrane.wav(509K) acrane.mp3(509K) acrane.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lars Olfen: "Before I came to PBN I did the Goot Times reunion. And people said they wanted more close-ups. I want to make sure we got plenty of close-ups here."
PBN TV Director (Scott Williamson): "I can assure you, we have plenty of close-ups schedualed."
Lars Olfen: "Another thing would be great, would be one of those great shots where you pull back to see the enormity of the event and the venue. Would be a crane. Do we have a crane standing by? I can't remember."
PBN TV Director: "No, we don't have a crane."
Lars Olfen: "Wow! You know those king of swooping shots where it goes over the audience and goes... hammers in on a nice tight shot of one of the musicians playing?"
PBN TV Director: "Uh-huh."
Lars Olfen: "That would be great."
PBN TV Director: "It would be."
Lars Olfen: "Or to...when they pull back,you know, kind of like a California Adventure ride, where you get to see the whole scope of the thing, that would be very nice too."
PBN TV Director: "It would be."
Lars Olfen: "Cause I could make some calls, if we could get one, if you want. I don't know if it's not too late"

veryflat.wav(728K) veryflat.mp3(728K) veryflat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence E. Turpin: "Alright, here's your giant banjo..."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Um-hmm. It's very flat."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Well, it doesn't look flat from in the audience."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "It has basically, no dimension to it."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Well, it's painted to look three dimensional. If you go back there, trust me ..."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "But it's not painted on the back. I'm looking ot the back right now. Will you look with me for a minute?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Why would it be... From the audience it's gonna look perfectly fine. And It looks three dimensional. Just go out there and take a peek."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Well, is this the real furniture or is this the rehearsal furniture?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Well, "A" it's not called "furniture". It's a set."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Uh-huhh."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "And it's painted this way. It looks completely three dimensional from the audience, if you just go out that way, Mr. Steinbloom."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "So this is the real furniture, and this is... Is this an actual street lamp?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "I'm sure it was at one time."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Can you have an actual three dimensional object that's represents the thing that it actually is, can that be next to something that it's pretending to be? Would that be okay?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Yes, it's perfectly fine. You know, I really don't have time to explain Stagecraft 101. This show starts in an hour. Now, every... everything is exactly the way you..."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "And what are tho... what's tha... that... Those are lights hanging up there?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "Yes, those are lights..."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Could they fall?"
Lawrence E. Turpin: "...and that's a ceiling above us!"
Jonathan Steinbloom: "But they look shaky."
Lawrence E. Turpin: "No, they're not shaky, they're perfectly..."
Jonathan Steinbloom: "Is that wire? I see a wire. I see a... (Lawrence smacks him on the head.) Ow!"

thisflame.wav(111K) thisflame.mp3(111K) thisflame.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Terry Bohner: "This flame, like all flames, represents the light and the darkness. It also represents the uncertainty of life and it's delicacy. It also represents a penis."

announcement.wav(222K) announcement.mp3(222K) announcement.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonathan Steinbloom: "Hello, I'm Jonathan Steinbloom, and before we begin tonight's celebration, I would like to make a brief announcement. Uh, I'd like to warn you that some of the floral arrangements at tonight's performance have dangerously low hanging vines, and may be poisonous, so please, what ever you do, don't eat them. And don't become entangled in them or, uh, trip, please."

icing.wav(152K) icing.mp3(152K) icing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jerry: "We open with "Old Joe's Place". We go out there, do the song we're known for, we get it out of the way. ANd the, hey, here's the icing on the cake."
Alan: "What's the icing?"
Jerry: "Well, the icing in the rest of the act."
Mark: "That's the cake."
Jerry: "No, that's the dressing."

thirsty.wav(318K) thirsty.mp3(318K) thirsty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mickey: "And if you don't mind, Mitch, I have the very first poem that you wrote me. Parched in exile Thirsty for your smile Though silenced behind This barbed-wire mask Your spirit burns through That I might bask In your cool, misty loveliness."
Mitch: "I just wanted a drink of water."

judges.wav(79K) judges.mp3(79K) judges.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine: "I always thought there were 12 Supreme Court judges, but now it seems there are only nine. I don't know if it's a budget thing or not."

ilikethat.wav(178K) ilikethat.mp3(178K) ilikethat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mike LaFontaine: "Say, why don't the ladies bring the coffee? And that's sexual harassment! That was decided in case 126, Johnson vs... Oh, I lkie that. The women, sexual discrimination. I'm not doing much writing, but the ideas keep popping."

realization.wav(226K) realization.mp3(226K) realization.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mark: "I came to a realization that I was, and am a blonde, female folk singer trapped in the body of a bald , male folk singer, and I had to let me out or I would die."
Jerry: "When you put it that way, it's almost poetry."
Alan: "Almost."

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